Numbuh 1's Voice Inbox

Hello, this is Nigel Uno, more widely known as Numbuh 1, Master Tactician and Head Operative of Sector V. If you hear this recording, it probably means I'm currently on a most important mission to save children worldwide and I am not available to listen to your message right now. If this is a KND operative, press 1. If this is an adult or a teenager, press 2 - Sector V will be glad to find your location and kick your evil butt! If this is Lizzie, press 3. If this is Tommy playing with my inbox again, THIS IS NO TOY! GET OUT AND PLAY! *sigh* And if this is Dad trying to convince me again to take sousaphone lessons, just press 0, I'll ignore it anyways...

*beep*

How does this thing work? Oh, this little button in here? I got it! Jolly day, son! Wanna spend some quality time with your old man? And I think some sousaphone lessons would fit in just fine! So, what do you say, huh? Huh?

*beep*

Hi Nigie! I just found this super-tastic restaurant for couples! We should totally go o- I mean, you should totally take me out for a romantic dinner there! I'll be waiting for you!

*beep*

Whoa, this device is so awesome! What does this button do? And this little green light? Ooh, what happens if you – TOMMY! What did Numbuh 1 tell you about meddling with KND communication systems? You're keeping the line busy, what if – No, Hoagie, I am...The Tommy! – But you can't just...

*beep*

Mr. Uno, this is the local library. Your copies of the books "Defeating Baldness in 5 Easy Steps" and "How to deal with psychotic pyrokinetic evil uncles" are each 211 and 362 days overdue, respectively. Your fines now total a bazillion dollars and 5 cents. However, since you're a kid, we will have no other option but to send Count Spankulot over. Have a nice day!

*beep*

Hello there, Numbuh 1...We, the Delightful Children from Down the Lane, are glad to announce the imminent destruction of the Kids Next Door! (evil laugh) Oh, and we kidnapped your team. Just thought you'd like to know.

*beep*

Hey, Numbuh 1! Numbuh 101 reporting for duty! Whoa, I finally got your private number! I had a hard time convincing the guys from the Arctic Base records, but I guess all that blackmail had to pay off in the end! I'm so excited! Anyways, wanna sign my copy of the "I'm not Numbuh 1" t-shirt you used to fool the Toilenator? Oh, who am I kidding, of course you do! Just give me the space and time coordinates and I'll meet you there! But you know what? I'm gonna come over there anyways. See ya!

*beep*

NIGEL UNO, GET YOUR BUTT IN HERE AT ONCE! I've been waiting for six hours already! The discount for the Lovers' Menu is going to expire soon!

*beep*

Hi, Numbuh 1 of Sector V...this is Numbuh 86, calling to inform you that I got promoted as Supreme Commander of the Moonbase! Take that, boy! Ha! Have you ever been a Supreme Commander? No! But have I been? Oh yeah! Take that, Numbuh 1! I rule! Oh yes, I do!

*beep*

Well hello there son! It's me again. I found a very talented sousaphone instructor and I bought a new fishing kit – just perfect for a day together, the two of us! I'm counting on you, son! Right?

*beep*

(heavy breathing) There is no other option. Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son! Oh, wait, wrong universe –

*beep*

That's it! You made me very angry, Nigie! All I wanted was a romantic night with you at a fancy restaurant, but NOO, you're spending your day doing who knows what and you're not returning my calls! You're the worst boyfriend ever! I'm going to date Heinrich!

*beep*

(whisper) Are they gone? Yeah? Okay then. (louder) Hey Numbuh 1, this is Numbuh 5 and the rest of Sector V. The Delightful Dorks have trapped us in their mansion and they took our weapons. Now, I don't know where ya are, but ya better come in here pretty quick, or else we're – (synchronised voices) We're back, Kids Next...What's happening here? A transmitter? How did that get away? Nevermind –

*beep*

Mr. Uno, this is the Rainbow Monkey Corporation, calling to confirm your order of 10 packs of Extra-Large Rainbow Monkey Fluffy Comfy Underwear. That will be 10.789 dollars. Oh, and since you're part of KND, we've sent a copy of your order to all the supervillains. Enjoy our products!

*beep*

Have trouble with tartrum? Bleeding gums? Tooth decay? Our dentist's office offers the best and cheapest dental care packages, starting from as little as 5$ per consultation! Guaranteed to make your teeth shine! Totally not a trap!

*beep*

(whisper) Is it safe now, Numbuh 5? – Yeah, I think so, Numbuh 2 – Can we finally contact him! I'm gonna go crazy in here being tied like this! – Silence! You want the Delightfuls to catch us again? Numbuh 3, you're closest to the phone, say something – I love Rainbow Monkeys! And red and orange, and pink and – Ah, not that! Lemme get it. Yeah – hey, Numbuh 1, just in case you remember to check that cruddy communicator of yours, you might wanna GET US OUT OF HERE, if you don't mind! – Look, we're sorry for forcing ya to go to the beach and all that, but Numbuh 5 suggest ya get over it and help us! Just sayin'.

*beep*

Hey, N...Nigie...I was wondering...you aren't upset about...you know, when I yelled at you...Uhm, I wanna make up. I went with that von Marzipan guy (after I paid him $10,000 in candy) to the restaurant, but it was a disaster! He kept asking me about Abigail Lincoln and the places she keeps her sweets...it was terrible! You're soo much better, Nigie, I'm sorry! Wanna go out sometime, maybe have some pistachio ice-cream?

*beep*

Uh...son, me and mom are worried. What are you doing at this time of the day? You always tell me when you have to play with the KNT or KND or whatever you name your friends. I called your uncle a while ago - he answered the fifty-thousandth time I rang and he denied that you were at his place. I did hear some muffled sounds in the background, but it must have been those 5 kids playing...I just hope you're fine, Nigel, my boy.